Remembering..
At this midnight, I looked back to my blog in Wordpress which was made more than a year ago. Guess what, as I was reading from my ever first post up to June 2008 archives (I didn’t finish it), I felt so good. Of course I got ashamed of myself too because I realized that I was really emotional and immature during the times I was writing my daily posts. But those emotional times I had were actually, like precious stones I’m counting. The memories of my life are worthless. That’s why it’s very nice to keep your own journals because you can go back to them after so many years. I’m happy reading all my journals over and over again.
For days, I noticed I’m becoming so emotional. When I’m alone, I can really feel… alone! So all I have to do is to blog write.. Ok, I won’t assume anymore that someone is reading this. But anyways, reading my past memories made me realized how I transformed. From confusions to worries to happiness to joy to tears to struggles.. I also noticed how God really helped me overcome everything..
Lately, instead of thanking, I was more on grumbling. About my boring life, about this empty life of mine. Worries are attacking me. But again, I am realizing that, if I have overcome my struggles in the past, what more with my present? I remembered how positive I was, how patient I was, how thankful I was, how waiting I was. Can I not become the same or better now? Of course I can!
I almost forgot God’s promises to me… on how He will help me, on how He will use me, on how He will give me everything, on how He will make me strong in this beautiful land he brought me. I almost forgot I’m already in USA, this land that He promised. i almost forgot to trust Him.. almost forgot to surrender my emotions, my heart.
I thought I already had the best of my life and my life tomorrow will never be as beautiful as yesterday. I was wrong. Now, God is reminding me that He still loves me despite the fact that I almost forget my love for Him that I used to have. He’s telling me that the rest of my life is the best of my life.
Now, I’m getting okay. Instead of worrying, I must remeber the good times I talked to the Lord about my future plans. Everyday must not be the end but a beginning. Now, I’m remembering how to make this thing I called life worthwile everyday again. 
My Grand Life Vacation
Today, I found myself awoke the whole night until dawn. I don’t know what’s this called. Maybe it’s the opposite of jet log, or whatsoever; I don’t care 
In the Philippines I used to sleep at 10-11 pm, having been settled for my prayer and devotion, and then wake up at 4 am, doing the same thing. And then suddenly, when I moved here, everything has changed. Maybe I just want to write now…
I can say that as my year ended, all my sufferings on the year 2008 ended too. (Did you notice that? Oh, you did?) Wow! This is really what we call “Imari, The Champion; The Winner; The Overcomer.” I really don’t like to boast, but please, do give me a chance to get proud for a moment. Of course I won’t boast myself, but instead, I’m gonna boast the greatness of God in my life! I’m not here if it’s not by God. (Of course, much thanks to people who supported me all the way). I don’t know, but, I’m much more excited with my life–on how I will be used mightily and greatly by Him. I can smell the sweet aroma of my good success. Oh, by the way, I told a while ago that everything here is new–the environment, the people, the weather, the foods, everything is new! But, I love it here, you know. I feel comfortable. I like it when my brother and I go driving anywhere, and we used to go to Starbucks and sip coffees, and when my mom and sis go shopping… oh, I just love Washington! And also, it’s fun to meet new people and enter into a new school. It’s really fun! hahahaha… (sorry, I can’t help it.,)
I think this is already God’s rewards to me. This is a time for me to relax and rest for a while… get rid from crying, struggles and problems… like saying, “Imay, my cute and wonderful princess, this is your grand life vacation! Enjoy my promised USA first. Just get ready for the 2009 trials I’m gonna give you!” But maybe later or tomorrow, He’s going to send me to another battles… battles that will make me even stronger in spirit. “Yah, Dad, I’m enjoying! Go! I’m excited!” (I do miss crying because of pain… heheheh… and then get happy after overcoming it…)
*P.S: I just received a promised laptop from my brother last 30th… he said that Sony is better than Apple.. (ok, I don’t want to boast… hahahah.. God just answered my wishes for my christmas and bday! more than I asked Him) Though I haven’t receive it yet, at least I got a promise. But the most important gift that He gave me was the harvested souls of the members of my family. It’s the most beautiful gift I received before and after my bday, more than any material things…
A Day on An Island
Do you know what I like to do for so long? One of them is to go to a place–in an island for one day, perhaps– where there’s no other people but only me. As I embrace the cold breeze that’s coming from the sea, I’d like to scream so loudly like I’ll never scream anymore. I know no one will hear me as I confide every single thing I dislike about my life. Nothing will respond to me, but only my echo, as I summon to the tides each pieces of me that I would like to disregard. I just want to cry and tell that some times in my life, like any other humans there, I feel so sad too and consider that life is so unfair.
No, this isn’t self-pitying. I don’t grumble about the ungrateful circumstances that happen to me. Sometimes, in order for you to be relieved from any feeling of grief, you just simply want to be alone and bring out all the angst you feel inside. Because I wanted relief, I always yearn to to be, even just a day, secluded from others; cry in the sand until afternoon and wait for the sun to set. But well I guess, the sunset will be the one to tell me that life is still beautiful despite all the tribulations I have. It’s truly the irony of life: When I feel everything is over, when I feel life really sucks, when I feel unappreciated, there are still wonderful things hidden from them. Like during the sunset, one could always conclude that the day is almost over. But isn’t it that one of the best parts of the day is on twilight? I don’t know with you, but as for me, I’ve always anticipated the sunset. It might be the end of a bright day, but it’s almost the onset of a cold night–the cold night that brings stars in heaven and makes every dreamer to sleep.
After this day of confessions of my awful situations, I could now go back to my real place and have fellowship with other people. Thank you for a day on that island. Thank you for the tides that washed away all my tears. Thank you for the birds’ chirpings that produced music during my melancholy. Thank you for the Lord who brought me there… even just a day.
In A Hot Desert, There Hides a Well
“And now, here’s my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” The Fox
I was thinking of writing my own novelette, when I made this late-night reading of one of my favorite books, The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry. Actually, it was last night that I remembered it, so I drew out this tiny book from my bookshelf. Like any inspired writers, I lied on my bed–heard nothing but silence–and waited for a long hour of an apparition of words and phrases that I long to merely give ideas to my own story. I have read this book twice, yet it was just last night that I really appreciated it. I loved the plot and the important character–the Little Prince, respectfully.
On his journey, I learned several lessons. The author made use of riddles and figurative speeches, which may be really hard to understand in just one reading. Contemplating through each word and line, I discovered sweet and simple revelations from the author. Well, maybe I could use this very inspiring paradox, that was stated above, in my writings. Most likely, I want to pattern some of my ways of writing to his styles and to his points of view, until I could produce my own style that’s certainly unique!
By the way, my favorite part was when the Little Prince tamed with the fox who revealed an indeed wonderful secret of life. His last words for the little prince (which are stated above) astonished me and led me to being marvelled to the creative imagination of the creator. I connected his saying to what the little prince said in chapter 24 of the book. Let me quote it; it’s my favorite. “What makes the desert beautiful”, said the little prince, “is that somewhere it hides a well.” Did you see the sparking connection of both lines? If not, close your eyes and look by your heart.
What made this parable significant to my reflective thoughts is when the author just simply appreciated life–from his drawing of the boa constrictors from the inside and out, up to the simple illustration of a sad landscape of the desert– and this is the style I’ve been saying that I wanted to embrace. This means, noticing and seeking for the hidden beauty of simple and complex things in life. The real beauty of life can be seen by those who truly appreciate it… even if it looks terrible for others. Some people, they just want and believe on what they see. Unless it is seen by their naked eyes, they wont believe and understand. Unless they see a well or an oasis, they will forever curse the desert.
Today, let’s picture ourselves midst the desert of life. It is never funny to walk in a place away from any human inhabitation, where the sun rises and almost toasts our skins. But have we ever considered the nice thought of walking along with fun people, like the little prince, who will accompany us in our journey and lay with us in the sand dunes until night? Have we ever thought of moving our feet and find the hidden well somewhere of it? Well, these are only examples of appreciating the desert. I liked also how the author made similar the color of the desert into the color of the honey. Sweet!
What is essential is invisible to the eyes. We need an invisible God whom we need in our journey in the desert… so that we could have the heart of looking for a well… a well somewhere in the desert of life.
