Remembering..
At this midnight, I looked back to my blog in Wordpress which was made more than a year ago. Guess what, as I was reading from my ever first post up to June 2008 archives (I didn’t finish it), I felt so good. Of course I got ashamed of myself too because I realized that I was really emotional and immature during the times I was writing my daily posts. But those emotional times I had were actually, like precious stones I’m counting. The memories of my life are worthless. That’s why it’s very nice to keep your own journals because you can go back to them after so many years. I’m happy reading all my journals over and over again.
For days, I noticed I’m becoming so emotional. When I’m alone, I can really feel… alone! So all I have to do is to blog write.. Ok, I won’t assume anymore that someone is reading this. But anyways, reading my past memories made me realized how I transformed. From confusions to worries to happiness to joy to tears to struggles.. I also noticed how God really helped me overcome everything..
Lately, instead of thanking, I was more on grumbling. About my boring life, about this empty life of mine. Worries are attacking me. But again, I am realizing that, if I have overcome my struggles in the past, what more with my present? I remembered how positive I was, how patient I was, how thankful I was, how waiting I was. Can I not become the same or better now? Of course I can!
I almost forgot God’s promises to me… on how He will help me, on how He will use me, on how He will give me everything, on how He will make me strong in this beautiful land he brought me. I almost forgot I’m already in USA, this land that He promised. i almost forgot to trust Him.. almost forgot to surrender my emotions, my heart.
I thought I already had the best of my life and my life tomorrow will never be as beautiful as yesterday. I was wrong. Now, God is reminding me that He still loves me despite the fact that I almost forget my love for Him that I used to have. He’s telling me that the rest of my life is the best of my life.
Now, I’m getting okay. Instead of worrying, I must remeber the good times I talked to the Lord about my future plans. Everyday must not be the end but a beginning. Now, I’m remembering how to make this thing I called life worthwile everyday again. 
By My Hidden Soul
♥ Call Him.. Call Your First Love ♥
Ever tried calling someone whom you know will answer? Your soul faints, your heart misses him. Then finally, he came telling how much he misses you too. You listen to a song that reminds you of his promises–never failing and endless– and he keeps on whispering I love you.
How could you live without him? How could you sing and write when the only melody you produce and the only word you say is him? Without him, you’re dead coz he is the source of your life. He is your life, your survival, your only hope, and your light.
Once, you said you’re fine with your gold, and with your silver you can be happy. But on his love, you will find more than a diamond or a pearl; something you can call serenity. Tomorrow won’t be forever; all these things shall pass away. But he promises he’ll always stay.
You thought he’s gone and has forgotten you. Flowers stopped blooming for you, no more birds’ chirping in the mornings. And as the snowflakes find its ending on the ground, it becomes the starting point of your helplessness. Coldness creates emptiness.
Call him again, promise, he’ll answer. He never forgets you, but forgets your shortcomings instead. All these things have been erased by his love that keeps no record of your past. Now stand up and have hope… the hope you used to have. Start remembering him.. call him.. call your first love.
-yam’s hidden soul-
Learning the Hard Way…
“Learn the hard way!”, this was the statement of my brother to me on the telephone after our mom caught me mischievously registering in an odd website for a free-trial of a fat burner last night. Funny act of mine. True statement from my brother. The truth is, I’m starting to become conscious about my body. And when I saw a blog site advertising a fat-burner (with a believable testimony)–and with a FREE-TRIAL of fat burner– it was like an opportunity for me to try it and achieve the body I want! (laughs) “Mom, I’m almost there!”, I told my mom after canceling my registration for the shipping. “No, you have to learn the hard way!”, she repeated what my brother said and continued talking to him on the phone. After this, silence struck me and those words resonated on my thoughts.
“Yes, I have to learn the hard way!”. The greatest things were achieved not through shortcuts. Often times, the most successful people are those who did the toughest works, those who hated effortlessness. Way back on my experiences before, I was more happy on the achievements that brought sweat on my skin and tears on my eyes, than on the gains that I even did not have pains. My parents, anyway, had hard times raising their four kids and working all day long (especially my mom). My widowed grandmother did not able to send her three daughters to school and let them graduate on time if she did not work with rags as a housemaid. My brother did not enter a university here in USA and take his bachelor’s degree if he did not have sleepless nights reviewing his lessons. These are just one of the good things I learned from my family and I am so proud of it. I realized that the way to success truly is not easy. There’s no easy way, only simple ways. The best thing however is to learn the hard way.
One thing I learned from this experience is about contentment. Last night, God told me that I was having the spirit of discontentment and insecurity so I let Him take them off mine through reminding me how beautiful I am on His sight. “No, I’m not fat! I may not have that sexy body but at least I’m working out my character for God’s glory. I need to excercise and lessen my food though. hehehe. :D” (Sometimes I really do need encouragements so please encourage me! hehehe.. just don’t flatter me; I’m not seeking for compliments.).
I have several goals and I want to achieve them. How is it really to achieve your goals and hold success? One point: Learn the hard way. I am, again, called to mind to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and delight in the Lord in order for my desires be given and so that everything, as in everything, shall be added unto me… and so that even the desired weight shall be achieved. (laughs out loud 
)
Success is peace of mind, a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming, and not just in a physical way: seek ye first the kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be yours as well.
So Missing Him… Stepping Forward… Coming Home… :(
My spirit truly seeks for a church, a place where I can say, “I belong here.” The church I’ve been attending was a great church, it was a nice church. I don’t have any problems because I’m surrounded with Christian people. But it seems like my spirit is leading me into somewhere else, where I can glorify God by dancing and clapping and singing and shouting and leading more people to Christ. And this morning, I really asked Him a direction, and it’s great that He answered me immediately. The pastor said we have to step forward of our faith by involving ourselves in fellowships and groups and if it is not the congregation our spirit seeks, we have to follow it and go to a congregation where it will lead us… where we can grow spiritually and enjoy our fellowship. And it seems I don’t find it there (but honestly, it’s really a wonderful church). It’s just happened that I’m in need of a FULL-GOSPEL CHURCH. That’s it. I know God will lead me there.
This Sunday morning in a service, during the praise and worship, I cried to God and really told Him, “I so miss You, Daddy!” 
I really need to go home. I miss Him so badly. Material things, even my good relationship with other people are not enough to make me happy. Fame, wealth, good health, whatsover, won’t make my life. Life is meaningless without God. I don’t want to be empty. (Life is really empty without God so we need to have God in our lives) It cried me more when He said, “I miss you more! Come home! I’m waiting.”
Coldness of my Heart
“Along with the coldness of the weather is the coldness of my heart. Along with winter is not actually, the winter of my soul, but… err, I don’t know. I feel like I’m drying up. My spirit is hungry and thirsty.
Yes, I’ve got all the material things; I’m already with my mom, brother and sister, and I have a great school waiting for me on spring. But more than all of these, I need my relationship to God. I need a church. Since I got here, I stopped my devotion. I can’t concentrate because I’m still adjusting to the weather and the time. And now, like I said, my heart is cold for God. I’m easily tempted by laziness again–laziness of talking with Him. Everything is going well, like I don’t meet problems (of course not totally). Oh, am I just being really a sin conscious? You see, stepping out of His presence makes me feel so empty. As of now, I’m really hungry for a church. My family and I attended a church my mom and bro used to attend but I’m still testing its spirit (I know this part is really complicated). Still, Mom is encouraging me to look for a church that I will be comfortable with.. a full gospel church.
Coldness of the heart is part of growth though. How I pray to go back soon in the presence of my Father, my Daddy… I know that a church won’t completely satisfy this hunger, but it helps a lot for us to share the love of Christ more and more. I want to go home now and I miss Him so much. I’m lack of inspiration to write now. He is my greatest inspiration. I’m coming home not tomorrow, not later, but now. His wide arms are open… the cross is waiting..
Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. Revelation 2:5a
