Learning the Hard Way…
“Learn the hard way!”, this was the statement of my brother to me on the telephone after our mom caught me mischievously registering in an odd website for a free-trial of a fat burner last night. Funny act of mine. True statement from my brother. The truth is, I’m starting to become conscious about my body. And when I saw a blog site advertising a fat-burner (with a believable testimony)–and with a FREE-TRIAL of fat burner– it was like an opportunity for me to try it and achieve the body I want! (laughs) “Mom, I’m almost there!”, I told my mom after canceling my registration for the shipping. “No, you have to learn the hard way!”, she repeated what my brother said and continued talking to him on the phone. After this, silence struck me and those words resonated on my thoughts.
“Yes, I have to learn the hard way!”. The greatest things were achieved not through shortcuts. Often times, the most successful people are those who did the toughest works, those who hated effortlessness. Way back on my experiences before, I was more happy on the achievements that brought sweat on my skin and tears on my eyes, than on the gains that I even did not have pains. My parents, anyway, had hard times raising their four kids and working all day long (especially my mom). My widowed grandmother did not able to send her three daughters to school and let them graduate on time if she did not work with rags as a housemaid. My brother did not enter a university here in USA and take his bachelor’s degree if he did not have sleepless nights reviewing his lessons. These are just one of the good things I learned from my family and I am so proud of it. I realized that the way to success truly is not easy. There’s no easy way, only simple ways. The best thing however is to learn the hard way.
One thing I learned from this experience is about contentment. Last night, God told me that I was having the spirit of discontentment and insecurity so I let Him take them off mine through reminding me how beautiful I am on His sight. “No, I’m not fat! I may not have that sexy body but at least I’m working out my character for God’s glory. I need to excercise and lessen my food though. hehehe. :D” (Sometimes I really do need encouragements so please encourage me! hehehe.. just don’t flatter me; I’m not seeking for compliments.).
I have several goals and I want to achieve them. How is it really to achieve your goals and hold success? One point: Learn the hard way. I am, again, called to mind to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and delight in the Lord in order for my desires be given and so that everything, as in everything, shall be added unto me… and so that even the desired weight shall be achieved. (laughs out loud 
)
Success is peace of mind, a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming, and not just in a physical way: seek ye first the kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be yours as well.
Coldness of my Heart
“Along with the coldness of the weather is the coldness of my heart. Along with winter is not actually, the winter of my soul, but… err, I don’t know. I feel like I’m drying up. My spirit is hungry and thirsty.
Yes, I’ve got all the material things; I’m already with my mom, brother and sister, and I have a great school waiting for me on spring. But more than all of these, I need my relationship to God. I need a church. Since I got here, I stopped my devotion. I can’t concentrate because I’m still adjusting to the weather and the time. And now, like I said, my heart is cold for God. I’m easily tempted by laziness again–laziness of talking with Him. Everything is going well, like I don’t meet problems (of course not totally). Oh, am I just being really a sin conscious? You see, stepping out of His presence makes me feel so empty. As of now, I’m really hungry for a church. My family and I attended a church my mom and bro used to attend but I’m still testing its spirit (I know this part is really complicated). Still, Mom is encouraging me to look for a church that I will be comfortable with.. a full gospel church.
Coldness of the heart is part of growth though. How I pray to go back soon in the presence of my Father, my Daddy… I know that a church won’t completely satisfy this hunger, but it helps a lot for us to share the love of Christ more and more. I want to go home now and I miss Him so much. I’m lack of inspiration to write now. He is my greatest inspiration. I’m coming home not tomorrow, not later, but now. His wide arms are open… the cross is waiting..
Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first. Revelation 2:5a
Getting Distant
My mentor and I talked in our church this morning. I told her of something I feel which I don’t like now. I confessed something to her. It’s all about my disobedience. I never liked what I’ve been feeling since few weeks ago. It dwells with my emotions. I really don’t like it.
The best thing now to deal with this problem is to put a distance from someone–this was her advice for me. At least, it’s better not to communicate with this person..uhm, maybe for quite a little yet a great time. I really don’t know. It’s getting hard on my part. I don’t like the idea of going back into someone else which I know I will regret soon. We are really opposite with each other. Sometimes, I could not fathom what I feel. Is it only pity that I feel for him? Yes, I really feel pity for him because of the status of his life (it’s not about financial status or what..it’s about being unhappy) I want him to be happy too, just like what I always feel. I want to befriend him, more… to know him… more… to love him, but not romantically. And this is what he does not understand, I think (though I’m not telling I’m pleasing him)… And he is otherwise, you know.. 
Sometimes, I just ask why he transferred here. It just happened too that he chose to stay near our apartment (nakakainis, bakit kasi ako sinusundan?). Thank God, there have been a lot of intervensions, that resulted to our seldom meeting. Before, I thought it’s all over. The thought of him in my life reawakened when he confessed of wanting me. I don’t like it, really. I don’t like to get involved again because Satan is trying to pollute my heart again. For few days, I realize that God is letting me to surrender this emotion because it is causing me to disobey Him. So I decided to confess it here too because it helps me a lot. If this “someone” reads this one, well, I hope that he wont think I’m starting to “reject him again” (just like what he had thought before), because I am not. The truth is, I love him so much (but not the love that he knows!) and I want him to be really happy of having God in His life. He chose to disobey, and I am otherwise. And I think that as of now, I am not the proper person to win him back to Him. All I have to do is to pray for Him.
And so the best way to escape from this is to try to get distant from him, even for a while, when he is still having a feeling for me. I don’t want me to be a cause for him to sin. Likewise, I don’t like too to destroy God’s plans for us just for this short-term happiness or what. It will only lead us, especially me, to not trusting God for hastening everything. Maybe, as my absence has already erased every emotion for me that he has, and when he already felt so deeply in love with God, we could be really best of friends and brothers and sisters and Christ. As of now, I’m happy being single and serving God wholeheartedly. I’ve tried to lower my standards for him and understand him more often. If he could not understand this, it’s because he does not want to understand this.
