Live Positively In This Negative World
I just wanna share this poem l wrote last week. I made this because I tried to encourage my brother. I hope as you read this, you’ll be encouraged also.
The title is: Live Positively In This Negative World.
I will still smile whenever life tells me to frown.
My failures will teach me about success.
I will wait even if it means forever.
My brokenness will make me whole.
My heartaches will let me love again.
My tears are doors to my laughter.
I will be prosperous after my regression.
I shall be filled again after my emptiness.
All my dreams will re-live after decay.
I will find joy in my grief.
There is faith within my doubts.
Because my God, who loves me best even at my worst,
Tells me to live positively in this negative world…
I Listened to My Heart in the Shower
“As I listened to the sound of water that created music to my ears, I also listened to my heart… I cried so hard yet silently, and could barely feel my tears touching my wet, warm face.”
This evening, I went to take a shower, as usual. Having been worried with all the things that happen to my life now, I decided to take a deep breath first, then asked God what to do and how to deal with my emotions. I noticed that I was always concentrating with my my feelings, rather than trusting God. I tend to worry and reach to a state of manic depression sometimes. In the morning, I get my highs, then during the evening was the opposite. My mind was a mixing bowl of emotions–name all those; I’ve got a salad of positive and negative sentiments to offer to you. At night when I go to bed, I always try to ask myself what in the world is happening to me. I, a sanguine during the day, suddenly turned into melancholic at night. Something negative from my heart must come out to relieve stress and despair. This is what I’ve been trying to figure out.
On the previous weeks and months, I tried to express myself but I couldn’t. It made me depressed and frustrated at times. I know what’s wrong is nothing on the external; what’s wrong was myself—something inside of me. I also felt being better yesterday than today, because I thought of being more significant in the past than in the the present. I realized that I should have not thought of it because as a child of God, I must become better everyday even if I live in a world that is actually getting worse.
*reflections*
So I opened the faucet and placed myself at the center of the bath tub. The cold water from the shower suddenly turned warmer. I sat like I was hugging my knees. I heard nothing but the sound of the water running through my head. As I listened to the sound of water that created music to my ears, I also listened to my heart. My heart said that once in a while, I can listen to him to figure out what’s wrong with my feelings—do not take this for granted because I won’t find any solution for that, only to know exactly what’s bothering me. Then I talked to God. I confessed what I needed to say to Him. I told Him how much I missed Him, and how much I’m having a problem with my self-esteem, thought management and everything. Soon the water gave a soft massage at my back. It reached my face and I could feel its warmth. I cried so hard yet silently, and could barely feel my tears touching my wet, warm face. I was feeling relieved, like a great junk from my heart came out. Before I couldn’t say what I wanted to say, but this time, I felt different.
I came out of the bathtub and brushed my teeth. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt kinda relieved. My heart spoke again and told me: “Don’t trust me, don’t trust your emotions. Trust Him who holds you and me.”
And then my eyes and the eyes from my reflection gazed at each other for a minute.
Miss You! Miss You!
Just because I don’t spend time with you, doesn’t mean I don’t miss you.
Just because we don’t talk more often doesn’t mean I’ve already abandoned you.
The truth is, I’m always daring to show myself, and my heart to be expressed.
But I simply can’t because.. I don’t know.
Miss you! Miss you
I miss you my blog!!
Promise to write soon. Our friends miss us now.
My First Quick Capture Vid In Youtube
Guys, check this out. This is an unconscious video of mine that was just recorded like 1 and a half hours ago.. heheheh (I said I will sleep na. See, it’s 3:00 am already…) Natuwa lang ako.
This is my first Quick Capture Video in Youtube. You know naman me, I really get to experiment and discover new things here on net (syempre I know naman hindi na bago ito sa iba.. eh bago sa akin, bakit ba..)
A lot of my friends miss me already. You might have missed me na rin ^^, Although I have plenty of pictures posted on my profiles, I’m sure you would want to see me live.
So here it goes.. I think gusto ko itong ipakita ito sa inyo. Kasi I really did not know na nagrerecording na pala! Until I finally realized that I captured a 41 second clip..hmm… I think ito ang pinaka-natural kong video that existed ever! hahahaha!!! Kinostumize ko na rin.. Wala lang … hehehe^^,
I Was Better Yesterday…
8 months ago, I was really different. I don’t know if I was better during that time compared today or not. I should be better today than yesterday, but I realized I’m not.
I read my Yamii blog this afternoon. It’s a devotional blog I made like more than a year ago. Then now, it’s no longer updated. What made me cry at this moment are my articles from Archives September 2008, where I’ve written things about my emotional sufferings last year, particularly, before going here in US. My passion for writing and for God really showed as I wrote my holy grief and shared all my doubts and faith. When I was reading my articles, it’s like I was reading from someone else blog— someone who shares her faith to the Lord and strength despite all her tribulations. Now, I don’t know if I can see the Imari (who was known Yamii too) who can write and move the heart of people through her battles in life. My desire is to write and bring the glory of God to others; encourage them, break the differences among people, love and empathize to others and help them find hope and joy in Jesus. My readers who journeyed with me on my blogs know how about it.
After arriving here in US, a lot of things really changed. My relationship to God weakened; I felt so dry. I started not experiencing heavy problems, like everyday got light. I didn’t have to worry a lot for material things because as if everything was provided. In short, it seemed that I didn’t need God–I didn’t need to pray or cry before Him. I could not be easily convicted and I often sinned. I stopped doing my devotion, I didn’t want to go to the church. Well I guess my readers noticed that I stopped writing about my spiritual journey. God seemed to be so far from me.
I am not as better as yesterday. I was better yesterday.
I am here today in USA where as if everything is in me now—family, education and privilages. I’ve shared before that this is one of the greatest promises of God to me. He didn’t fail it and I can say that I’m already here in the promised land. But I want to tell you that until now, I am still wandering in this new land. I don’t know where to go, I don’t know what to do.
Until God reminded me His promises and my shared plans to Him before I got here through a an article last September 1, 2008. It was the time when I almost gave up in hoping for my visa to arrive but the Lord encouraged me to wait and hope for the good things.
Now, I don’t know how to start all over again. As I can see with my faith today, it gets weaken. But of course my desire for the Lord never ceases in me because I could barely feel His love for me. Maybe I just need to share again how I really feel to others. I also need people to advice and journey with me. I want to write purposefully again and touch others’ lives.
I need wisdom. I need God! I need to go back to the cross and start all over again. I need to be better than yesterday.
