I Said Goodbye a Lot of Times Before but Now is the Most Final…

“But I can’t be a queen for you, coz you, can’t stand like a king for me…goodbye, I’m saying my final goodbye… please bring a pack of smiles and love from me as you leave.”

I’m saying my final goodbye now to someone whom I used to say goodbye with a lot of times before.

You are someone I used to have fallen in love with, my ever first love. Knowing you in six years is more than enough to make my life truly exciting. I’m happy that I have known you as a friend, enemy and acquaintance in high school… still friends and enemies until college though we went to different worlds. More than that, there must still be something special between us… but that thing was only a dew drop in the morning… fading. Because of you, I had and have a lot of things to share with others. Half of my writings is all about you.

Remember the first poem I wrote for you? I bet you don’t even know it. How about the poem I wrote while I played the guitar? This too, I bet you haven’t read. When I said my ever first official goodbye, were you there to listen? And my other goodbye poem? I know you didn’t. There were more things I wrote about us, the last thing was all about you.

Though in the last couple of years, when I started my new life with a new love, my love for you didn’t cease. Though I was not already in love with you, I still loved you so much. You have said words I didn’t like, you have won in breaking my heart, but the love I had for you still remained whole. You were someone whom everybody used to hate, but I was someone who loved you at your worst. I’ve seen the the smile behind your wicked eyes and heard the laughter from your harsh mouth. I’ve seen the wonder of your heart from the start. But like I said, I can’t stay in love with you, but I will always love you.

I may had become important to you once upon a time;treated me like one of your princesses. But I can’t be a queen for you, coz even you, can’t stand like a king. Our fairy tale might have ended years ago, but still the passion in me to love you remains forever.

Thank you, thank you,for letting me to experience  loving you— a different kind of love that is often misinterpreted by others… and was misinterpreted by you. A lot of times I said goodbye but those were with hate and jealousy and were PARTIAL GOODBYES. Now, this is really my finale. Goodbye, I’m saying my final goodbye to all the “in loving” emotions I had for you: all the hate you repeatedly gave me, all the loving memories, all the what-if’s and kind hopes… I am saying goodbye with no angst and a fist hand. Forgiveness still endures. Don’t forget to bring a pack of smiles and love from me as you leave.

But I’m not saying I’m going to not love you no more. Surely, I will still… like I said, it will be forever. I hope you understand now the kind of love I’ve been trying to let you understand even before. I want you to be happy in your life, because if not, I’ll be very sad. You’ll always be tagged as my “first love”. It won’t die. I’ll never forget you.

Please let me know if it’s a boy or a girl.

_Imary_