Turning Emotions Into Writings…

No words to say but just a hand on my face...

“There’s nothing wrong around me, but there something wrong about me…”

The first hours of my morning yesterday was totally frustrating. I was still wide awake at 2 am until 3am. I just didn’t know why my headache the other night kept my eyes opened instead of making me asleep earlier.

For days I’ve been thinking a lot of things—things that I thought I have already gotten over. There were emotions that I’ve been trying to surrender to God, but how can I give them to Him if even I, cannot distinguish what I really feel? I know He already knows what I feel. All I have to do is just tell Him about it, but really, I’m so confused.

Do I really not know how I’m feeling or I was just trying to cover it, that even from the Lord, I’m also denying?

Mixed emotions. I need serenity. There’s nothing wrong around me, but there’s something wrong about me. The best part of my day should be on my quiet hours where I could close my eyes and pray. But now, it is like a moment and rendezvous of  my unspoken and not shown sentiments. Like a friend told me, those were times when “loneliness says hello again”.

Because I can’t be contented without expressing myself in a day, I took my composition pad and attempted to transfer these emotions into writings. But just as I was trying to continuously “disguise” these feelings and turn them into “other forms”, it became even worse. And so here, frustration came when I just could not put them into words. I was a desperate to write so that I could take out or just at least abate these things that bamboozle my heart over and over again.

I hope I can express and transform them in a creative manner anytime soon.