I Need Myself Be Back!
I am uncomfortable with myself. I feel I really need to change a lot. Well, you know me, I always yearn for changes everyday even if it means stepping out of my comfort zone. Ok, I’ll tell you now. First, of course, I want to be more organized with everything again (parang ilang taon na ito ah! hehe). Basta! I’m so ngarag na ngayon. My priorities are not set. I need to reset my priorites: the most important is to start and end my day with God. My biological clock is pretty abnormal too so I must take charge of it. Huhuh..
I’m so upset at this moment because I’m fearing of getting bigger and bigger! Few months, I found myself being narcissistic (a little, honestly! hehe) and now I’m feeling self-hating (not at all but I have a tendency..lol)! Last night I found out how much pounds i gained since I got here in US. Looking at my old pictures from last year, I’m feeling kinda frustrated!! Waahh! I was never this fat! I’m so conscious, to tell you.
Di’bale, even if I don’t love myself sometimes, God always loves me for who I am. I’ll move my feet and start looking for ways on how to reduce weight! Really, I’m hating it! I need excercise, less food and most especially, I need myself back! lol..
Wala lang. Mamaya magiging ok na rin ako. 
It Was Very Good…
“And God saw everything that He made and behold, it was very good.”- Genesis 1: 31a (ESV)
Genesis chapter 1 shows the beginning of creation where God made the heavens and earth out of darkness and void. I’m just amazed that in six days, He managed to put light out of the dark, established the universe and brought life on earth. I noticed that every after the day that He created, He saw that it was good. And at the end of the creation, everything went very good.
Applying it in my life today, I just find myself as being disorganized with my time. I lack orderliness with the way I think in which things must be done first (i.e: home works and projects). I like cramming and last-minutes. I hate being pressured but I have to be pressured first so that I could think clearly and work seriously. I go haywire when the day of submission will be tomorrow and I’m not even in the midway of my task yet. Although my outputs are good enough and at least meet the deadlines, sometimes I could not help myself but get frustrated too as I meet failures. I’m trying to change myself but it has been hard for me since playing-now-work-later is part of my personality.
How I wish that I am as organized as God. Well, I can be if I really wanted to be. As the bible says that ¹man was made in His image and likeness, so I could also say that I could be like Him who does things well and puts them in order. I don’t have to stress out myself, thinking of the what’s and how’s. Anyway, the Lord did not freak out when He ²separated the water from the land, ³put vegetation on earth, 4created human beings, and things like that. Those are way more too difficult to do rather than finishing my research paper in Sociology, speeches in Public Speaking, home works in Library 101 and all other daily works of mine. If I worry a lot, maybe now is the time to re-check the status of of my faith. 5 In each day, there is enough trouble for me. Besides, 6 He is always there who carries my burdens and helps me complete my tasks successfully.
Everyday, my greatest rival is myself—my procrastination, my laziness and lot of my unnecessary emotions. I’m just very grateful that even though these things try to destroy my concentration of a good success, the Word of God pulls me towards Him again and fills my mind with beautiful visions of tomorrow.
After I created my day, I hope I could sit back and relax and say just like God in the beginning that everything was very good!
*Footnotes: 1. Genesis 1:26a; 2. Genesis 1:9; 3. Genesis 1:11-12; 4. Genesis 1: 26a; 5. Matthew 6:34b; 6. Psalm 68:19
I was touched with this commercial from McDonald’s…
Ok, first of, I know I’m already late seeing this commercial (hhmmm maybe 4 months late? hehe). I just came across with this McDonald Philippines commercial as I was browsing Youtube this morning. I’ve always loved commercials portraying stories so it somehow got my attention (Well, I was trying to apply Monroe’s motivational sequence in persuasion sa commercial na ito.. based on what I’m currently learning from my speech class). Nonetheless, I’ll show you the video. I know it’s no longer new to you anyhow.
The guy was just too humble. I can see myself to him who truly treasures memories (especially unforgettable people) regardless of what have happened in the past. No more grudge nor hate but only love.
I think that’s just sweet… and a reality check. It struck my pathos (emotion). Bitin nga lang… hehe
Live Positively In This Negative World
I just wanna share this poem l wrote last week. I made this because I tried to encourage my brother. I hope as you read this, you’ll be encouraged also.
The title is: Live Positively In This Negative World.
I will still smile whenever life tells me to frown.
My failures will teach me about success.
I will wait even if it means forever.
My brokenness will make me whole.
My heartaches will let me love again.
My tears are doors to my laughter.
I will be prosperous after my regression.
I shall be filled again after my emptiness.
All my dreams will re-live after decay.
I will find joy in my grief.
There is faith within my doubts.
Because my God, who loves me best even at my worst,
Tells me to live positively in this negative world…
I Listened to My Heart in the Shower
“As I listened to the sound of water that created music to my ears, I also listened to my heart… I cried so hard yet silently, and could barely feel my tears touching my wet, warm face.”
This evening, I went to take a shower, as usual. Having been worried with all the things that happen to my life now, I decided to take a deep breath first, then asked God what to do and how to deal with my emotions. I noticed that I was always concentrating with my my feelings, rather than trusting God. I tend to worry and reach to a state of manic depression sometimes. In the morning, I get my highs, then during the evening was the opposite. My mind was a mixing bowl of emotions–name all those; I’ve got a salad of positive and negative sentiments to offer to you. At night when I go to bed, I always try to ask myself what in the world is happening to me. I, a sanguine during the day, suddenly turned into melancholic at night. Something negative from my heart must come out to relieve stress and despair. This is what I’ve been trying to figure out.
On the previous weeks and months, I tried to express myself but I couldn’t. It made me depressed and frustrated at times. I know what’s wrong is nothing on the external; what’s wrong was myself—something inside of me. I also felt being better yesterday than today, because I thought of being more significant in the past than in the the present. I realized that I should have not thought of it because as a child of God, I must become better everyday even if I live in a world that is actually getting worse.
*reflections*
So I opened the faucet and placed myself at the center of the bath tub. The cold water from the shower suddenly turned warmer. I sat like I was hugging my knees. I heard nothing but the sound of the water running through my head. As I listened to the sound of water that created music to my ears, I also listened to my heart. My heart said that once in a while, I can listen to him to figure out what’s wrong with my feelings—do not take this for granted because I won’t find any solution for that, only to know exactly what’s bothering me. Then I talked to God. I confessed what I needed to say to Him. I told Him how much I missed Him, and how much I’m having a problem with my self-esteem, thought management and everything. Soon the water gave a soft massage at my back. It reached my face and I could feel its warmth. I cried so hard yet silently, and could barely feel my tears touching my wet, warm face. I was feeling relieved, like a great junk from my heart came out. Before I couldn’t say what I wanted to say, but this time, I felt different.
I came out of the bathtub and brushed my teeth. When I looked at myself in the mirror, I felt kinda relieved. My heart spoke again and told me: “Don’t trust me, don’t trust your emotions. Trust Him who holds you and me.”
And then my eyes and the eyes from my reflection gazed at each other for a minute.
